sherryillk: (Default)
[personal profile] sherryillk
A weird thing kinda happened today.

I was walking out of McDonalds and a homeless guy asked me for some food. Without hesitation, I turned back and I handed him one of the Big Macs I had just bought. He thank me and I walked away, wondering why the hell I just did that.

I like to think I'm a good person most of the time. I try very hard not to be mean and evil because I know my personality leans towards being unkind. It's something I'm aware of so I try actively to be better. I may not be a good person by default, but damn it, I'm going to try my best to counteract it.

But that's probably why I feel uneasy about the whole exchange. I know homelessness isn't a choice. And that it's hard to get out of. I try to give people down on their luck the benefit of the doubt and try to think the best of them. So even though my mind is thinking awful things that everyone thinks of the homeless, I try through my actions to be better than that.

I always said I would give a homeless person food if they ever needed it instead of money. They can't exactly use a sandwich to buy booze or drugs, right? But it's never happened before. I've never run across a homeless person while I had something to give on me (aside from cash, but hell if I'm ever going to show my wallet to someone homeless -- and there goes my mind going to nasty places again...) before. Until today. Is that why I gave him a Big Mac? I really don't know.

I wasn't even going to go to McDonalds. I don't particularly like their food, even though Big Macs are my weakness, but it's a National Streetpass Weekend and I wanted to take advantage of that. And I wanted to try their strawberry lemonade. But like I said, Big Macs are my weakness and they have that McPick 2 for $5 promotion so I decided to get a Big Mac for now, and to squirrel away the other as a snack later. I wasn't buying the other Big Mac for someone, and I really don't need to eat two Big Macs so it's perfectly give awayable. Plus, it's not like $2.50 is going to hurt me. I spend much more than that just on the strawberry lemonade and all Starbucks I drink.

It's like a good deed for $2.50.

But I still feel uneasy. Did I just enable this guy? Is her going to panhandle more because I gave in? Obviously it works since I gave him food. Why would he stop if it works? Am I contributing to the homelessness problem that's already become a problem, even in my small town? Is my good deed ultimately not good? I feel like I should have walked away. But would I feel the same sort of guilt if I did? Or guilt of a different kind? I have no idea if what I did was wrong or not, only that I feel kinda weird about it. Good because I hope I did help that homeless guy but I have no idea if I did or not. Bad because I feel like I just enabled him and bad because I feel bad for thinking that way. :\
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sherryillk

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