swamped...

I'm currently swamped. The only reason why I have time for this journey entry is because I really should be asleep right now. *laughs*

Well screw that. I've been studying from 8-12 and four hours is a lot. Tomorrow is Chem day. Thursday is totally cram for Chem day. I'm gonna die from Chem...

But...but...but!!! There is something good coming from this. One, after the Chem exam, me and Xiao and AJ and some other people (possibly Janet as well) are going to see The Polar Express!!! It was my favorite Christmas story as a kid so....

And Saturday (after lab because everything is after lab), I'm gonna get that damned winter coat (gonna hit Macy's and the Manhattan Mall with Xiao) and then come back and go down to Times Square to ride the ferris wheel at Toys R Us. *laughs* I'm celebrating my birthday (19, oh my God!!! I'm not finished being 18 yet!!!) so I'm allowed to do stupid stuff like ride a ferris wheel at a toy store in Times Square.

That leaves Sunday for me to actually do workish things (after I sleep in late because I need to). :)

Now onto different subjects, I just downloaded Flame's song Don't Look Back courtesy of kotaroh It's not that bad. I agree with whomever who likened them to the BSB. I totally agree. But since I totally absolutely ADORED the BSB, I like this song...

Now I kinda want more songs by this group... I've been surrounded by Flame fangirling for a while and I've kinda resisted getting into them (don't wanna get lured into jpop, thank you very much) but despite that, I think I'm sorta kinda hooked. Problem is I don't know how to get more mp3s from them... I guess I can search around a bit but what are the chances of me hitting with something from them? *shrugs* I don't know... Anyways, I'll probably look on mIRC later (maybe Saturday late night or Sunday) and hopefully I'll be in luck...

And one last thing before I take a shower and die in bed. My calculator. It's gone. I really can't find it. It wasn't turned in and it isn't just misplaced... I miss it so much... I want mine back!! *wails* This is just great. And since the Chem exam is this week, I'm buying another one tomorrow... :( There goes $100... :(

Damn it, my life just sucks right now. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I tell myself to get it together and I don't listen to myself. I know things and I know what could happen if I don't do certain things but I can't seem to make myself care. And I think I'm hiding under the excuse of my apathy... I'm just so tired of it all... I want things to just stop for a moment and let me catch up instead of me slowly walking as the world flies by me. I just want it to end... I'm looking forward to going back for Thanksgiving so much that I can't even express it in words... But I know it's just a short break (Four day weekend really) and after it, it's only 2 weeks until the semester ends and then it's finals and life would just go to pot again. What the hell am I saying? It already is.

I feel like such a failure... God, life sucks. It just really sucks. I think I've already ruined my life and it hurts knowing it doesn't just affect me alone. I could deal with that better if that is so but it isn't. I don't know what to do anymore...

Okay, that's enough depression for now...

And Diana, I'd thank you to keep this to yourself. I don't need Mom getting all worried about this. It's just a phase and the sleep deprivation and the stress of midterms that's getting to me. I would lock it but you're one of my friends and I don't want to make it private because it's not very private... So please, don't tell her anything about this.

And if you do, I will absolutely kill you when I get home. ^_^