I love Atobe

It's 1 AM in the morning, I have to get up in six hours and I still need to shower and get ready for class tomorrow. And I have AR after my Chem lect (not to mention I HAVE NO BOOKS FOR MY CHEM LECT!). Actually, I think I'm gonna skip AR tomorrow to buy books. I have to be prepared at least for my Russian course. Grr...

Anyway, I love Atobe. He's always been my favorite of all the characters in PoT ever since he's appeared but now I love him more than ever.

I've found that I love Atobe in pairings. I like him with Tezuka. I've been a TezAto lover since the beginning. And I've found that I like him with Ryoma (only from Ryoma's POV, not Atobe's). Lately, or rather tonight, I've been into Sanada/Atobe. And I've found that this pairing is very rare which is annoying and sad. :(

But I did find a small archive of Sanada/Atobe works and I think I've exhausted ff.net of the Sanada/Atobe fics... If there are any others, I'm resolving myself to find them all. I really want them!!! They fit so well... It's like TezAto only different. It works, it really does. I really wish there was more on them though... Grrr...

I've noticed something though... Atobe acts a bit like Draco Malfoy from HP. Only he's not very evil. Not very. Sanada wouldn't be able to pass for a Harry though...

But I did read a fic that had Atobe in Slytherin and Sanada in Gryffindor and it was pretty good...pointless sex PWP but okay. I'm at a point where I'm gonna take what I can get because that's all that's out there...

I wonder if there are doujinshi for this pairing...translated ones though... For some reason, PoT doesn't seem to have people scanlating yaoi/shounen ai doujinshi like HnG... I've got a big collection of Hika/Aki stuff but almost none PoT... Hmmm...

Ah, gotta get to sleep. I don't want to fall asleep in my first class of the spring semester...which is also very likely. What can I say? Halpin's voice is so hypnotic, the chairs are so comfy and the room is dim. Perfect napping conditions.

The move mp3s

I've deleted everything that was up on my school server since I finally was able to. The web browser wouldn't let me do it but when I tried ws_ftp, it did so yay! So I was also able to get up the move mp3s.

01. How to See You Again

02. Noizy Tribe

I have the instrumentals too but I didn't bother putting them up. If you want them, drop me a comment and I'll upload them too.

so tired...

I am so tired right now...

It was terrible... I went to sleep around 2 AM but it took me almost an hour and a half to get to sleep. After that, I just kept waking up... Finally at about 6:40, I realized I wasn't gonna get to sleep any more and woke up. I woke up at 6:40. That's wrong in so many ways...

I just don't get it. Is something wrong with me? I'm really tired all the time but I can't fall asleep since I'm not really all that sleepy... Gah... My muscles ache and I don't really want to do anything since I have a mild headache... The light from my window is blinding me and... *sigh* Life sucks. I have my Russia class later and I am looking forward to it. I've bought all my books except for this one that I don't know what it is for my Russia course. But it's a huge lect and only 48 of them have been sold so we're all in the same boat. Ha.

Went to Chem lect, a ton of people there surprisingly but still as boring as ever. Didn't fall asleep. It was very cold. I had on two layers of clothes, gloves, my winter coat finally, scarf and I was still freezing... Gah...

Last night, I was all into the Sanada/Atobe scene (not much of one) and I really wish there was more for me to read now... Last night, when I could fall asleep, I played with the idea of a Sanada/Atobe/Tezuka fic... I almost always do this for a new pairing and usually it doesn't go anywhere but I really do wish I could do this one. It's a bit different from my usual since there's three affected parties, all of which I adore.

Somehow I want to a Sanada/Atobe story that has Atobe/Tezuka in it. Atobe is the flirt, Sanada stuck in denial and Tezuka is enjoying the ride.

Atobe wants Tezuka. He wants to be the one Tezuka sees, the one he looks to. He wants to be Tezuka's true rival and he wants more than that as well. In order to do that, he has to beat Sanada, who admittedly, is probably better than he is and would really be Tezuka's true rival.

Sanada wants to beat Tezuka for different reasons. He really is there for the whole rival thing, nothing more. But he still has to eliminate Atobe in order for that to happen. And somewhere along the lines, Atobe starts becoming more than just a stepping stone towards Tezuka. Of course, he's in absolute denial since he would never admit something like that. But as he sees Atobe pursue Tezuka in other ways than just on the court, something awakens him that he can't ignore.

And Tezuka... He's not adverse to Atobe's intentions. I see him as having not really considered the whole gay thing even though he would be against it at first on principle. But I would like to believe he'll come to the conclusion that love was love regardless of anything. As for the rival thing, he respects Atobe and Sanada's skill above all else but that's all there is. He doesn't see anyone as his true rival (not because he's conceited that he's better than everyone) but because he believe the rival relationship does not exist with anyone he's played with before.

My thoughts are if anything, Sanada and Atobe are more rivals than anything else...

I'm thinking this would start somewhere during Senbatsu (Sanada and Atobe pair, how could I resist?) and have the Tezuka/Atobe thing start sometime after their match back back then.

It is a Sanada/Atobe story and I think I've sorta made the Tezuka/Atobe thing too one-sided as Tezuka seems like he could care less about Atobe with him. It's not even as if he doesn't want it -- it's like he doesn't care. But it's really not like that at all. Truly. Atobe and Tezuka fit together. They compliment each other very nicely. And while they seem like two different people, they also share traits that allows for some bonding time. He grows to like Atobe as Atobe works on working himself in Atobe's life.

And of course Sanada is on the outskirts watching this as it happens as he tries to deny he doesn't feel anything. What really hurts is that he and Atobe have gotten somewhat closer since the Senbatsu thing too. They've evolved in the rival sense and also in the friends department as well. I kinda see this is a sort of Sasuke/Naruto sort of relationship only Sanada is not evil and Atobe isn't as stupid or annoying (debatable, I know but I find Naruto super annoying so...) as Naruto...

I've torn my Sanada in little itty-bitty bits trying to figure this out...

The problem is that I don't know what to do. I almost want to throw Oshitari into the mix just to mess things up a bit more but it's already so messed up in that I really have no idea how to conclude that I thought better of it...

My new love is Sanada/Atobe and I want this to be in Sanada's POV (and to make it primarily a Sanada/Atobe fic) but at the same time, I've adored Atobe/Tezuka for so long that I want to include their whole fall in this as well... I can't have two destined pairings. Someone will have to lose and I don't want to include someone in here just for that one person to have a consolation prize. As such, I refuse to think that Fuji nor Yukimura harbors any romantic feelings for their captains. Fuji is more of the sideline observer who's being entertained and Yukimura the understanding, personable captain he is.

I'd like to have this story span through middle school, through high school (still in different schools as they are all in nice elevator schools) and up through university where they have to meet up at Toudai. I can't imagine Atobe *not* going there since it suits his intelligence as well has his personality (would he expect any place less?) and Tezuka is a brilliant student so it's believable that he can get into that school.

Aw, fucking hell. I hate to interrupt but damn!!!

http://kyoh.monkey-pirate.com/!!Hyouteism/index.htm

Hyotei is just TOO COOL and Atobe himself is... KYA!!! I would die for him, I really would. God, I love Atobe. Atobe. Atobe. Why the hell do I love you so? He's not real!!! I fully recognize this and yet... Reading these things just makes me think they are real and that they do exist out there... How I would love to play around with Hyotei... Their school seems too cool and with people like that in that school... *sigh* The academics in that school are just too good. Somehow, I can't see Seigaku comparing all that well... They seem too normal. Elitism is a good thing.

Sidenote 1: Apparently I have meals but I can't access them. Now I have to go down to the Housing office to say what's wrong. Yay. I'll skip lunch (wasn't that hungry anyway) and I'll go after my Russia course. Whatever. I'll work it out.

Whatever. I'm not in the mood to continue my whole story speculation... I don't know if I'll have time to write it anyway so we'll see... And who knows? I might just figure out how to end this well without causing too much pain for everyone... Somehow, the thought of it being a futile love for Sanada is very unappealing for me and having an ineffectual Tezuka is even more so.

But would Tezuka fight for Atobe if it seems like Sanada is pursing him? What would prompt Sanada to do so? That guy wouldn't do it without motivation so I have to figure something out...

I don't know. Sanada/Atobe is very different than Tezuka/Atobe (even though Atobe is the pursuer, it's more Tezuka/Atobe than anything else). I can't say either is wrong... Tezuka is not prone to fits of passion and I can see Atobe being very passionate. And while Sanada is very strong and serious, he is not as stoic as Tezuka. It's gonna be so hard to write about Tezuka. Even though I love him dearly, he really is a crappy character in terms of anything that makes a good character. He is a pet rock. *cries* Why Tezuka?! I know you have depth! You have to!

But since he doesn't, if I end up writing anything, I'll have to be the one who gives him more depth and it'll have to be believable (the hard part). Gah. It'll be hard. And I'll have to watch AR fansubs of PoT for the Sanada/Atobe pair Senbatsu matches... I hate AR. Damn AO. Hurry up! The show might be ending and you're lagging, meanies! :(

Now to do more of nothing...

Sidenote 2: I wonder what this song is about... It reminds me an awfully a lot of Kimeru even though song is so not his style. Whatever.

*dies*

I think the lack of sleep, the poor eating habits and the damn freaking cold has lowered my immunity to disease and that I've caught something...

I just wanna turn up the thermostat, wrap myself in a billion blankets and hibernate for the winter.

God, I wanna throw up... Lately, my gag reflex has been really hyper and every time I enter a public restroom, I want to hurl. God, I want to right now just thinking about. Or maybe I was like that before...

Sickness aside, I've finally found a viable copy of Ken Hirai's Gaining Through Losing. Problem is that it's a bit cut off... :( That's sad. I already have over 5 mins of it but it's supposed to be longer. :( And I can't seem to find a full copy of it anywhere. I've absolutely exhausted all my options. :(

Went after the Russia lecture about my meal plan. Housing said it was something wrong within their system and that they would try to get it fixed today but I have no faith in them so I'll try making something to eat later tonight... Right now the thought of eating something is making me even more sick but I do feel somewhat hungry. Ugh... Sucks. Everything sucks.

Today sucked. I think the sickness was brought on by my stupidity. After my Russia lecture, he mentioned that the course pack (out of stock, last thing on my list to buy) would be in the store by 4 PM, 4:30 at the latest so I went and got some pizza (didn't have lunch so sue me, I was hungry) and then I went over to housing and then went over to the bookstore. There was a line outside to get inside. Sherry was stupid enough to wait in said line. For over 10 mins to get in. And then I wanted for a while... I just started feeling worse and worse so... When 5:00 PM came and went and I was like, I'm probably not gonna make it back to dorm if I stay any longer so I decided to leave. I was so out of it when I walked back. All I wanted to do was just get back here.

It seems that I've forgotten all the combinations to my locks, one to my locker for Chem lab and the other for my mailbox. I've found one combo tucked away and the other I had to ask someone for...

Oh, before I forget since I'm really kinda spastic in this post, my Russia lect was great. He was so funny! His lecture style is good and I think I'm gonna like being in his course. The problem is the size. It's in UC50, the place I have bio lect and it has a capacity of 450 some people. The room was filled. I'll be going to this lect from AR so I'll probably be a little late so I won't be able to get a good seat. :(

Oh, and he's made me rethink Russia. They're scary, they're weird and they're just unique. He scared the hell out of me by saying "they have every type of nuclear device in the world in their possession and they're being neglected. It's a nuclear disaster waiting to happen and it will within your lifetime. I guarantee it." That's very scary... The examples he gave us, subs in the black sea having an active nuclear reactor and one goes off and that sets off a domino effect that would make Chernobyl look like nothing or an accidental lauch because of faulty radar... That last one is scary since an accidental lauch would be pointed at US, right? Who else would they try to kill, even unintentionally... *shudders* I don't wanna think about it...

Cohen did mention something that happened in the Ukraine two weeks ago... Apparently a revolution? They had an election, there was a protest, the loser was declared the winner? I had no idea this had even happened. And supposedly Russia and the US butted heads on this issue making my prof. think that the Cold War wasn't over... Right. He talked about how in his 30 years of teaching, enrollment in his course always goes up when Russia invades another country because of the whole "know thy enemy" thing and how since the Cold War was formally declared over, enrollment has gone down. But he was confident that it would start up again and business would be booming again.

Okay. He's an odd person but he makes for a good lecturer. At least I won't be bored. :) Ah, that took too much effort. :\ That's better...less happy.

edit x1: Apparently Sherry is an idiot. Gaining Through Losing was one of the songs in that big batch of songs I downloaded from BT. Oh.