*sigh*

I feel strangely unfulfilled. It's times like that I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Reading Confessions, I can't help but wonder if I shouldn't just do what Augustine did find religion to give my life some meaning, even if I personally believe it's a superficial meaning towards life. But if I actually believed, it wouldn't be superficial -- to me it'll be real and maybe I'll find some contentment? Some reason for why things are the way they are?

*sigh* I'm not happy. I can't say I'm totally unhappy either. I'm not content at the moment but that's only because of midterms. Would contentness come back after midterms (well, for the two weeks before the second round of them start again) and I'll feel content about life again?

I feel like a stupid kid bumbling through life because she doesn't know what the point of life is yet. I don't want to be one of those adults who go through life in this state. How do I avoid it? How do I find a point to life? Better yet, how do I find MY point to life?

Small things are bothering me -- what am I going to eat for lunch tomorrow, how long lab will be, will I pass the lab quiz, how long should I study for MolecCell because Schiccatano is pissed at us and threatened a quiz? How do I balance that with studying for my Orgo quiz and studying for the Orgo midterm? These are every day questions -- they shouldn't be causing me to go into a panic attack. I should do what I normally do -- do most pressing to least and appropriate the right amount of time for each. It's logical and methodical -- it should be easy. Why isn't it easy?

Oh god, I don't know anymore. I'm going to sleep and hopefully when I wake up, I feel normal again. Or back to content-enough (because I can't quite reach content during midterm times but there's always content-enough which is a cut below content) at the very least.

Ja, oyasumi.

Popping in for just a moment

Well, that was an interesting little lecture.

Just came from ConWest. How do you know you're tired and are not really taking notes?

When you have words that blur into each other or studdenly stop in the middle of the word.

Or when you go back during a moment of alertness and see the words "gesu" in hiragana and the words "source of divinity?" right after it. What was "gesu"? Jesus. Apparently I wasn't thinking well enough to actually write it in katakana. Oh god...

Next time I decide to fall alseep in class, I have to remember not to do it while sitting in the first row, sitting two feet from the professor lecturing. That was bad. I fell alseep before the lecture -- he woke me up with a bang of his podium (he was moving it so it might have been accidental but I don't think so) and I feel alseep during the lecture... God, he must hate me. :(

So now I'm off to hit the books. I've got a quiz in Orgo lab (there goes five hours of my life today) and I don't know a damn thing. Yay. So gonna fail.... :(