My sucky life...

Even this quizzie says so... Why do I even bother?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.5
Mind:	3.6
Body:	5
Spirit:	4.5
Friends/Family:	4.4
Love:	0.8
Finance:	6.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

( Read More )

It's 1 AM. Why am I still studying? I know nothing. I will fail. I will just fail. There's no way I will ever get a passing grade on this exam.

The sad thing? I started studying two weeks ago. And I will still fail.

*sigh* I hate MolecCell. I'm probably going to hate Desplan and Schiccitano tomorrow too.

And guess what I get to do tomorrow after I come back from this exam?

Start studying for my Orgo midterm NEXT Friday. And for my Japanese chapter test on Tuesday. Not to mention my second essay for ConWest due Thursday.

Fuckers.

And did you hear? Hanawa (my Japanese prof) has found an off campus site through GSOC. It's to show solidarity with the grad students and all that shit. It's freaking far away. I have a class right after that one -- I barely make it on time and it's only like a couple streets away. Now we're like many many streets away -- as in have to take subway to get there... Damn her. I understand wanting to show the grad students support but to move class that far away?

Sherry is not happy at all. And it's an 8 AM class. How early do we need to wake up to get there on time? The worst thing about it? The next time we'll meet is on the day of the chapter test. Which means we can't be late at all. Fuck.

I'm half tempted to go downstairs to the 7th floor, knock on every single door until I find which apartment she's living at and ask if she's going to be going from Water to the site because if she is, I wanna follow her.

Oh, more stuff that just sucks? Our Japanese final oral has been assigned. 10 minutes. Assigned partners so no working with Xiao... :( I'm with Gloria Kim -- the girl who didn't show up to our last oral because she overslept. Right. I can't count on her at all.

And when is the first draft of this oral due? The 23rd. And we have to work on it together. Fuck. When the hell can we meet anyway? I'm busy all next week, next weekend is my birthday -- I really don't want to work on Japanese on my birthday but I will... *sigh* Life does suck. Correction, my life sucks.

Now I'm starting to wonder if I've had it wrong all these years in saying that life sucks -- maybe it was always just my life.

... What an even more depressing thought. And here I thought I had sunk as low as I can get...

*groans* God. I don't know what else to say. Gotta study, gotta go do something productive for tomorrow, I should sleep if I don't... :\

*sigh*

T_T

I failed.

There's no way of me getting a passing grade on this exam. Correction, there's no way of me getting above a C on this exam.

I think the first part was okay but I feel instinctively that it really wasn't. I sucked all around. And since it was only 40 questions, my suckiness had a major impact on the grade for that part of it...

And the second part? Yeah, right. I have no idea if my calculations were correct, what the damn fifth criteria was (I was like, purity? To make sure you have a homogenous sample, run electrophoresis just in case?) and of course, I would completely FUCK UP the one problem that is worth the most points. There's 30 points right there that I will not get any of at all. Fuck!

And it makes me upset that it was partly based on information covered in recitation this week and he told us in lecture that this week's recitation wasn't going to be on the exam. Fuck!

:(

I have no hope of continuing as a bio major. I'm so screwed. :(

And today, they were picketing Silver again. And we heard them loud and clear. It's particularly upsetting because they weren't there when we went into the builidng and they weren't there when we went out. Fuckers. They only picket while we're having the exam?

*sigh* I'm gonna unwind and then start studying. Damn. At least my ConWest essay was moved! Yay!

I'm having Maruchan, I'm hearing Kimeru, things are leveling out. I think I might be okay until next week when I officially drop bio as a major. *sigh*

Stalker?

What do you do if someone is unsettling you through LJ? For the past year, there's been this person who's been semi-harassing me and now she's going through my old posts, posting comments and trying to incite me to respond... It half feels like she's attacking me or questioning me or just undermining my thoughts...

And frankly, it's scaring the hell out of me.

And I'm pretty sure she's the same person because I started logging IP addresses of the anonymous posters and they're all the same. I don't know who she is, who why she's doing this, and she's scaring me...

I don't want to go friends only though. That won't solve anything aside from sectioning myself off from the world and I don't want that. I don't want to hide from her either. I want her to go away but it's not like I have any control over what she does.

I really wish she would just stop commenting on my posts. Just today she commented on a post I made last year essentially saying "you're wrong here, this is so old and you're just talking about it now?" when she didn't realize that I had posted it so long ago.

And I think this was the same girl who pretended to be my roommate last year when posting on my journal.

I'm pretty sure she's "disgusted" with my thoughts and my beliefs and thinks I'm quite "evil" (in her own words).

And I just a past time for her? Does she get a kick out of this? How sick can you be to do stuff like this?!

I mean she seriously distresses me. She thinks Kimeru is a girl, that I should get over anime guys and get a real boyfriend and since I told her quite nicely that I'm premed and I don't have time to sleep much less have a boyfriend, she told me to go and date Janet, a friend whom I've talked about in past entries.

She's telling me to become a lesbian?! WTF?!

I'm like seriously distressed by her! The more I think about it, every time she posts, I think, I shouldn't have to put up with this shit and make all my entries friends-only. I'm already anxious and paranoid and not very level when it comes to my emotions and she's just making my life worse.

*groans* Why can't I catch a break? Who am I to have to deal with this sort of problem anyway... :(

So, she's basically has said I'm evil, I'm promoting hate and racism in the world and once she even quoted the Bible at me. O.O And it wasn't something short either. If you wanna read, here: ( Bible )

I mean WTF? What was she trying to do? And what she was responding to? I was talking about mobile elements in DNA that do not encode anything at all or are responsible for any sort of regulation. And how scientists don't know why they're still in the genome if they have no purpose (if they aren't used for synthesis and if they don't regulate synthesis) but that I thought there had to be some undiscovered reason.

Her quotes don't even relate.

For a strict athesist (I think my AP English teacher said it best when he said athesists disbelieve God so vehemently that they have to construct their own religion based on the non-existence of God and I am definitely one of those people even though I tell people I'm more agnostic than anything else) like me, this was creepy. And it was on Halloween too...

What should I do? Am I freaking with no reason? It feels like I am but I'm afraid of some hidden attack online... I've really done nothing to this person and while some of the comments could be taken as innocent, when you add them together, they become unsettling. It's like she has a problem with me and she's cleverly masking them in veiled half-inflammatory comments.

Or maybe it's really me. Maybe I'm just so hung up on myself that I think of myself as so proper and so highly that I would have this sort of person harassing me. Maybe I'm just thinking too much into it. Maybe I'm just overreacting and this is really nothing but a mild annoyance that I should just shut up about and put up with it if I'm refusing to go friends-only.

But really who am I to go friends only anyway? I'm nobody special at all. I'm not totally uptight on who can download my stuff because if they rape my bandwidth, it's not me who'll be paying for it since it's on my school's server. I don't have views that incite arguments or flame wars. Very few people even read this journal outside of my friends list IF ANY so I really don't see a point.

Maybe I just need to shut up and let things happen. I just hope I'm not enabling some sick, perverted creature who likes to harass people through the internet as the prelude to real life harassment that will eventually lead to enabling a person to be horrible human being who will break laws and hurt other people...

Okay, that's thinking too much now. See what MolecCell does to your brain? This is my brain on MolecCell.

Don't listen to me. I'm an idiot. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I really shouldn't be concerned, right?