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Aug. 20th, 2006 05:44 amMan, I'm feeling a bit melancholy... I can't exactly pin it down but I just feel off...
Today I spent part of the day in Portland, which was nice. We went to Clackamas Town Center and I caught up to the latest volume of W-Juliet released, which was extra nice since I had been meaning to finish it up.
We had went in relatively early -- 10:30 AM, which is normally four to six hours before I would normally even think about waking up so I was dead and running on four hours of sleep. I had contemplated going to sleep earlier but I was rereading an old Nora Roberts book and I just wanted to get through all my favorite moments of it plus the ending so that took me to around 6 AM.
It wasn't exactly my brightest idea in the world but as I'm constantly finding out this summer, I don't have many bright ideas. And also that in addition to some odd melancholia, I'm also feeling a good dose of self-loathing right now for various reasons, probably too numerous to list. I don't think this is PMS so I really don't have an explanation for this... I think it was a combination of being bored to death at the old home with nothing on TV, Solitaire in a last ditch effort not die from the boredom, frustration at not being able to watch Clips-K which arrived today (yay -- wanted to muster up enough enthusiasm for an exclamation mark, kinda fell a bit short), annoyed by my parents constant snipes at everything under the sun and being disconcerted that Diana seems awfully subdued, which means she's upset at me and that has never made me rest easy. So yeah, I feel crappy, emotions in a turmoil, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, that and I just watched a couple hours of a documentary about 9/11 -- joy! This combined with last night's CNN's Special Report on the TWA crash a few years ago has filled me with a sense of doom. I feel as though I'm not going to make it to New York. I know this is irrational and probably unfounded and most likely not going to come to fruition but right now I feel doom. and uneasiness.
Normally the fact that I had received a shipment of something Kimeru would shake me out of these sort of bad moods, but it's 5 AM, I'm tired, I haven't been able to watch it until now because the DVD is region 2 and I can't play them at the old home and I've just gotten back to the new house with my laptop that can play region 2 DVDs only a few minutes ago. I'm going to write Masha and hopefully not fall to pieces afterwards. And by that time, it'll probably be six AM and I would have dashed all my attempts in the previous days to jumpstart a more normal sleeping time. God, why is it that it feels like everything is just wrong right now? I'm moody, I'm upset, I really don't want to deal with everything and I just kinda feel overwhelmed despite not having anything to overwhelm me. This absolutely sucks and I don't know why. If this is another girl thing...I just hope it's over soon. I feel like I'm at my wit's end, I'm testy, I'm annoyed, I'm unhappy and I just want things to be okay again. I'm not even sure what's wrong but I just want it to be gone. I don't wanna deal...
I think I'm just going to write Masha even though it's late. And then I'm going to spend a little bit of time online. And then I'm going to turn this laptop off for the first time in like a week and I'm going to just go to sleep. I don't care anymore. Maybe things will look brighter with more sleep? Whatever. And hey, Kimeru tomorrow. At least I have something to look forward to, right? *sigh*
Today I spent part of the day in Portland, which was nice. We went to Clackamas Town Center and I caught up to the latest volume of W-Juliet released, which was extra nice since I had been meaning to finish it up.
We had went in relatively early -- 10:30 AM, which is normally four to six hours before I would normally even think about waking up so I was dead and running on four hours of sleep. I had contemplated going to sleep earlier but I was rereading an old Nora Roberts book and I just wanted to get through all my favorite moments of it plus the ending so that took me to around 6 AM.
It wasn't exactly my brightest idea in the world but as I'm constantly finding out this summer, I don't have many bright ideas. And also that in addition to some odd melancholia, I'm also feeling a good dose of self-loathing right now for various reasons, probably too numerous to list. I don't think this is PMS so I really don't have an explanation for this... I think it was a combination of being bored to death at the old home with nothing on TV, Solitaire in a last ditch effort not die from the boredom, frustration at not being able to watch Clips-K which arrived today (yay -- wanted to muster up enough enthusiasm for an exclamation mark, kinda fell a bit short), annoyed by my parents constant snipes at everything under the sun and being disconcerted that Diana seems awfully subdued, which means she's upset at me and that has never made me rest easy. So yeah, I feel crappy, emotions in a turmoil, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, that and I just watched a couple hours of a documentary about 9/11 -- joy! This combined with last night's CNN's Special Report on the TWA crash a few years ago has filled me with a sense of doom. I feel as though I'm not going to make it to New York. I know this is irrational and probably unfounded and most likely not going to come to fruition but right now I feel doom. and uneasiness.
Normally the fact that I had received a shipment of something Kimeru would shake me out of these sort of bad moods, but it's 5 AM, I'm tired, I haven't been able to watch it until now because the DVD is region 2 and I can't play them at the old home and I've just gotten back to the new house with my laptop that can play region 2 DVDs only a few minutes ago. I'm going to write Masha and hopefully not fall to pieces afterwards. And by that time, it'll probably be six AM and I would have dashed all my attempts in the previous days to jumpstart a more normal sleeping time. God, why is it that it feels like everything is just wrong right now? I'm moody, I'm upset, I really don't want to deal with everything and I just kinda feel overwhelmed despite not having anything to overwhelm me. This absolutely sucks and I don't know why. If this is another girl thing...I just hope it's over soon. I feel like I'm at my wit's end, I'm testy, I'm annoyed, I'm unhappy and I just want things to be okay again. I'm not even sure what's wrong but I just want it to be gone. I don't wanna deal...
I think I'm just going to write Masha even though it's late. And then I'm going to spend a little bit of time online. And then I'm going to turn this laptop off for the first time in like a week and I'm going to just go to sleep. I don't care anymore. Maybe things will look brighter with more sleep? Whatever. And hey, Kimeru tomorrow. At least I have something to look forward to, right? *sigh*
