As if I wasn't feeling horrible enough...

So today I found out via the nyu community that another NYU student has committed suicide last Friday at Water Street... It was a completely shock and it felt like a kick in the stomach.

Last Friday, I was doing laundry and as I was taking my clothes back up to my room, I noticed flashing lights and while I was waiting for the elevator, several firemen showed up. I thought about asking them if I should be worried but I kept silent.

When an elevator finally showed up, I got in and so did they. Apparently they had said they had an emergency and needed to get off first but I didn't quite hear them and ended up pushing the button for my floor and they got pretty pissed at me... :(

I tend to retreat into myself so I'm not exactly the most attentive person around. And I'm a bit hard of hearing, have been since I was a kid, so if it's said fast or softly (or both), I'll miss what is being said. It's certainly hasn't been helped by getting an iPod... In the year that I've had it, I've noticed a gradual decline my hearing which is alarming to say the least. So when the fireman told me about the emergency the first time around, I missed it. T_T

I was feeling pretty guilty after that -- what if me getting off first made a difference and stuff like that went through my head for the next few days... I can't let these things go very easily... I've never been good at admonishments since I hold them close even years after they've been said... I still remember my sixth grade teacher telling me not to flaunt my math skills and how a store clerk once told me not to run in the store... Things like that stay with me and this one just wouldn't settle.

And then today, I hear about the suicide that was on Friday night at Water Street. What are the chances that the firemen I rode an elevator with were there for an entirely separate reason? T_T Somehow, I think this is going to another instance where this memory is going to stay with me my entire life...