Day One Reflections
Mar. 14th, 2005 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sherryillkI hadn't planned on doing this for every single day but after today, I've realized that today has had so many different things that have happened that a single blanket journal entry the day after I get in would not be able to convey each and every single thing that has happened.
That being said, today is day one. It was a mix of different things so I'm not quite sure what my mood actually is. Right now, I am hot even though I've changed into shorts and a T-Shirt – basically what I wear to bed. My hot mood however, is not representative of my mood for the day. I have yet to figure what that out and I really don't think I ever will simply for the fact that today was such a mix of different emotions. Some were good, some not so good, some really bad.
Of the bad ones, I am in a semi-bad one now. It is the feeling of being lacking. Most of the group are sitting around a table and are having a group conversation. I am completely cut out of that. I'm not sure I'm allowed to feel insecure about this because of the fact that I think I deliberately cut myself out of the group from the very first moment.
No, that's not right either… It's not like I intentionally try to be excluded…really I don't. It's just that I don't have a very open personality. I don't make a try to be included and yet I feel bad when I'm not… I know it's really my fault but I just don't see a point in it.
In their conversations, I have nothing to say or to add. I am so different from them that most of the time I don't feel like I can say anything at all. And if I have nothing to say, should I push myself to say something? I try sometimes, in an attempt, to continue the conversations because long, silent pauses are really annoying, but despites my attempts, I still feel like I fall short.
For most of the day, this feeling of being lacking continued on. Especially once we started work. I really have no experience with wood. At all. Seriously, I suck at this building house thing. I was so incredibly useless. It was incredible.
Today, I woke up two minutes early do the fact that I heard people moving around and when I opened my eyes, the lights were completely on. Stella had thrown on the switch that basically turned on the billions of lights directly above us. Nice, huh?
Oh wait, before I get into today, let me talk about yesterday's trip.
So yesterday it was Sunday and I woke up and finished my packing… I was trying to minimize the amount of stuff I was bringing but still managed to bring a ton of stuff…. Really, I blame my books (I intend on getting some chapters read today, yes! Hopefully…) and my stars for taking too much room actually... Especially my stars since they're in my Nalgene water bottle and was a bit awkward… Anyway, Nicole had contacted me about meeting her and Esther down at the lobby at 7:45. I got done a little early and got down there about 7:40… When I left, Ivy was up to bid me goodbye…
I have no idea when Ivy left. I felt really uncomfortable about leaving her in my dorm room alone when no one was there and without me there either… So I locked my room. But I usually lock my room for break anyway. It's a natural thing… She said she was going down to the Met so hopefully she left early. Even with her guest pass, it's not as if she'll be able to get back in anyway without a key…
Oh, speaking of keys! Housing finally got around to changing our locks. When Michelle had moved out, she never returned the keys because she had lost them and Housing said they would change the locks because those keys were wandering around NYC and we didn't like that at all.
A month goes by and nothing. We basically assumed that they were never going to do it. That's when Brit's mom got into it. She's called Housing so many time to get them to change the locks… it was funny.
So finally we this email about them changing our locks. And they didn't. But they did the day after that. Finally. Nice. So now I have a new key that basically looks exactly like the other one since all the keys are basically the same for the entire dorm.
God, now that I'm laying down, I feel kinda sleepy and tired… I got about six and a half hours last night… Gah. My fault really for watching Shine on You to about 1 AM. Hey, I'm not going to sleep at 11 PM just because the lights are off and basically everyone else is either. That's just not like me.
Okay back to the story about the drive down here…
It was really eventful that I really kinda want to make this post just about the ride down. I don't though so I'll try to condense.
Anyway, Nicole got to the lobby around 7:45 but comes 7:55, Esther still didn't show up. We didn't have her cell phone number or knew where she lived in the building (we're all 3rd Northers) so we decide to wait a bit more before leaving her.
We finally get to about 7:57 and decide to leave her. When we asked the security guard to be on the lookout for her that they told us where she lived. Nicole went up there to check up on her and it turns out that she overslept and was rushing down.
She finally showed up and we finally made it to Avis. As we were walking there, I was always falling behind and was at least a couple feet away from them. I was being left behind a bit (none of them really slowed down to let me catch up, which at the time I thought was a bit rude but really, it was just how it was) and i had the distinct thought that this would be indicative of the entire trip for me.
And lo and behold, what do you know? I am still being left out of the group. :\
We get to Avis and we 3rd Northers, were sent into the car with Stephen (gay! But so cute too!), Kendra, the Korean who was adopted by German-American parents and Betty, the half Irish, gung ho Habitat for Humaity girl. They were our drivers.
So we started driving. I tried sleeping and that didn't work very well. I tried reading and that didn't work either because of the fact that I ended up sleeping. Anyway, I spent a lot of time being excluded by the major conversation, sleeping and trying to read.
For us, we were a relatively boring trip. Eight hours kinda came and went and wasn't really as bad as I thought it would be. I guess all those plane rides home has changed my perception of "long trip."
But the other car had lots of trouble. They got two tickets. Ouch, huh? Once for speeding (they were pulled over because their license plate was one of those temp ones that have the expiration date written on it and ironically, the expiration date was the day before the trip, lol) and the other for speeding in the construction zone. And it was the same guy both times – Steve, the bio, pre-med Republican that brought his laptop, his camera and an air mattress. Don't get into a talk of politics with the guy – he's so incredibly hardcore Republican. But since he's from NYU, he actually makes sense rather than people like Grahman Hay or Anna Thompson who only can spout rhetoric.
Anyway, we stopped for lunch somewhere in a small town in Virginia. I was so obviously a tourist town – it reminded me so painfully of Hood River, it was crazy.
We finally get to the church and we see where we're sleeping. It's like huge and we really were sleeping on cold, hard tiles but really, sleeping on the ground was not as bad as I thought it would be.
The guy who is "in charge" of us actually got us all air mattress today! Score! I'm on mine right now, being separated and typing out this entry.
Anyway, we get pizza for dinner and we end up playing Mafia for the night. I suck at being Mafia. I was found out in the first round – I soooo suck. I suck at being the Sheriff too – I was wrong for practically everybody. :(
Anyway, after that they went to sleep and I stayed up watching Shine on You and Wolf's Rain. End of the firs episode, what a KYA-moment. Really, really cool. It really is pretty good. I can see myself watching this and liking it. Amazing! I never thought I would like it.
Okay enough of that, onto today.
We got to the site and I was a part of the group that was sent to the warehouse to work on the rooting floor of the 2nd floor by patching it up. It was like "be sure to avoid the holes because you can fall through and die." I couldn't do hammering, I sucked at lifting and I just suck all around. It was amazing. Have I ever felt that useless?
Lunch was brilliant. So was dinner actually. I mean they were both in churches so that was a damper on things.
Oh! Those who know me – I said "Amen" and "God" in a prayer. Hell, I said prayers. *gasp*
I know!!! That is so unlike me. Usually I'm one of those rude atheists who would abstain from those things but the people were so nice that I thought it wouldn't hurt if I said them. Especially since I don't believe in it and it's basically empty anyways.
So yeah, my opinion of church people and Southern people has gone up so much. They are all so nice to us and they truly welcome us and make an effort to get to know us. And they make the best food. I had the best mashed potatoes ever – with melted cheese too – so to die for.
And Bob is the best person in the world. I wouldn't have minded sleeping on the floors but these air mattresses are so great! I think mine's sinking a bit but who cares?
Anyway, back to the job. It wasn't until after lunch and we started to put up the stairs that things finally got better. I can now drill! Hole digging and shoveling, I'm not so good at but putting the stairs up and drilling, I'm absolutely great at. And even though it was raining in the morning, it was sooooo nice out by the end of the day that we didn't want to end at 4 PM and wanted to finish working on the stairs. We only had six more steps to screw down anyway…
Oh, side talk… I think I was bit by something… *makes a face* Sherry is itchy.
Anyway, after doing that, we decided to go take showers at the YMCA down the street. Steve, the gay guy driving our car left his backpack in the church so we decided to stop by there first to get it.
When Steve tries to enter the church, he accidentally trips off the security alarm. It was sooo funny. It sounded exactly like a siren and was sooo loud. We decided it would be bad if we left so we stayed until the pastor and his wife come over along with the police. It was straightened out quickly, thankfully. We even got pictures of Steve with the cops. :)
We then went down to the Y and had our showers. It really wasn't that bad. I was just soo happy to get clean. It felt really nice. :)
So yeah, today, lots of ups and downs, a lot of no talking but really, not bad. I think I might do this again next year. We'll see how it goes the rest of the week. I might decide I absolutely hate it within that time – you'd never know.
Now, onto studying! Ja ne!
edit x1: Just finished reading Cohen's book, Rethinking the Soviet Experience: Politics and History since 1917. It's amazing that if the professor had written the book that he assigns to his class to read, that he just manages to parrot/regurgitate his ideas in lecture. Really, it's amazing. Everything that he said in the book was a major point in the lecture. I guess that means his thoughts of Russia during the Khrushchev period has basically stayed the same since he wrote the damn book in 1985. Nice.
I am so tired right now… I need a nap… But since it's 10 PM, I should really go to sleep… But Sherry no wants to. Sherry wants to watch Shine on You and more Wolf's Rain. And Sherry has Wild Striker (that's she's kinda scared to watch but that's a different story). Gah…
Oh a note: Sherry likes sweet tea. It's really really sweet but it really grows on you.
And another: Sherry is lactose-intolerant and is stupid for trying to eat cereal with milk. It just didn't work very well, I'm afraid. :\ Tomorrow, I'm just having orange juice.
That being said, today is day one. It was a mix of different things so I'm not quite sure what my mood actually is. Right now, I am hot even though I've changed into shorts and a T-Shirt – basically what I wear to bed. My hot mood however, is not representative of my mood for the day. I have yet to figure what that out and I really don't think I ever will simply for the fact that today was such a mix of different emotions. Some were good, some not so good, some really bad.
Of the bad ones, I am in a semi-bad one now. It is the feeling of being lacking. Most of the group are sitting around a table and are having a group conversation. I am completely cut out of that. I'm not sure I'm allowed to feel insecure about this because of the fact that I think I deliberately cut myself out of the group from the very first moment.
No, that's not right either… It's not like I intentionally try to be excluded…really I don't. It's just that I don't have a very open personality. I don't make a try to be included and yet I feel bad when I'm not… I know it's really my fault but I just don't see a point in it.
In their conversations, I have nothing to say or to add. I am so different from them that most of the time I don't feel like I can say anything at all. And if I have nothing to say, should I push myself to say something? I try sometimes, in an attempt, to continue the conversations because long, silent pauses are really annoying, but despites my attempts, I still feel like I fall short.
For most of the day, this feeling of being lacking continued on. Especially once we started work. I really have no experience with wood. At all. Seriously, I suck at this building house thing. I was so incredibly useless. It was incredible.
Today, I woke up two minutes early do the fact that I heard people moving around and when I opened my eyes, the lights were completely on. Stella had thrown on the switch that basically turned on the billions of lights directly above us. Nice, huh?
Oh wait, before I get into today, let me talk about yesterday's trip.
So yesterday it was Sunday and I woke up and finished my packing… I was trying to minimize the amount of stuff I was bringing but still managed to bring a ton of stuff…. Really, I blame my books (I intend on getting some chapters read today, yes! Hopefully…) and my stars for taking too much room actually... Especially my stars since they're in my Nalgene water bottle and was a bit awkward… Anyway, Nicole had contacted me about meeting her and Esther down at the lobby at 7:45. I got done a little early and got down there about 7:40… When I left, Ivy was up to bid me goodbye…
I have no idea when Ivy left. I felt really uncomfortable about leaving her in my dorm room alone when no one was there and without me there either… So I locked my room. But I usually lock my room for break anyway. It's a natural thing… She said she was going down to the Met so hopefully she left early. Even with her guest pass, it's not as if she'll be able to get back in anyway without a key…
Oh, speaking of keys! Housing finally got around to changing our locks. When Michelle had moved out, she never returned the keys because she had lost them and Housing said they would change the locks because those keys were wandering around NYC and we didn't like that at all.
A month goes by and nothing. We basically assumed that they were never going to do it. That's when Brit's mom got into it. She's called Housing so many time to get them to change the locks… it was funny.
So finally we this email about them changing our locks. And they didn't. But they did the day after that. Finally. Nice. So now I have a new key that basically looks exactly like the other one since all the keys are basically the same for the entire dorm.
God, now that I'm laying down, I feel kinda sleepy and tired… I got about six and a half hours last night… Gah. My fault really for watching Shine on You to about 1 AM. Hey, I'm not going to sleep at 11 PM just because the lights are off and basically everyone else is either. That's just not like me.
Okay back to the story about the drive down here…
It was really eventful that I really kinda want to make this post just about the ride down. I don't though so I'll try to condense.
Anyway, Nicole got to the lobby around 7:45 but comes 7:55, Esther still didn't show up. We didn't have her cell phone number or knew where she lived in the building (we're all 3rd Northers) so we decide to wait a bit more before leaving her.
We finally get to about 7:57 and decide to leave her. When we asked the security guard to be on the lookout for her that they told us where she lived. Nicole went up there to check up on her and it turns out that she overslept and was rushing down.
She finally showed up and we finally made it to Avis. As we were walking there, I was always falling behind and was at least a couple feet away from them. I was being left behind a bit (none of them really slowed down to let me catch up, which at the time I thought was a bit rude but really, it was just how it was) and i had the distinct thought that this would be indicative of the entire trip for me.
And lo and behold, what do you know? I am still being left out of the group. :\
We get to Avis and we 3rd Northers, were sent into the car with Stephen (gay! But so cute too!), Kendra, the Korean who was adopted by German-American parents and Betty, the half Irish, gung ho Habitat for Humaity girl. They were our drivers.
So we started driving. I tried sleeping and that didn't work very well. I tried reading and that didn't work either because of the fact that I ended up sleeping. Anyway, I spent a lot of time being excluded by the major conversation, sleeping and trying to read.
For us, we were a relatively boring trip. Eight hours kinda came and went and wasn't really as bad as I thought it would be. I guess all those plane rides home has changed my perception of "long trip."
But the other car had lots of trouble. They got two tickets. Ouch, huh? Once for speeding (they were pulled over because their license plate was one of those temp ones that have the expiration date written on it and ironically, the expiration date was the day before the trip, lol) and the other for speeding in the construction zone. And it was the same guy both times – Steve, the bio, pre-med Republican that brought his laptop, his camera and an air mattress. Don't get into a talk of politics with the guy – he's so incredibly hardcore Republican. But since he's from NYU, he actually makes sense rather than people like Grahman Hay or Anna Thompson who only can spout rhetoric.
Anyway, we stopped for lunch somewhere in a small town in Virginia. I was so obviously a tourist town – it reminded me so painfully of Hood River, it was crazy.
We finally get to the church and we see where we're sleeping. It's like huge and we really were sleeping on cold, hard tiles but really, sleeping on the ground was not as bad as I thought it would be.
The guy who is "in charge" of us actually got us all air mattress today! Score! I'm on mine right now, being separated and typing out this entry.
Anyway, we get pizza for dinner and we end up playing Mafia for the night. I suck at being Mafia. I was found out in the first round – I soooo suck. I suck at being the Sheriff too – I was wrong for practically everybody. :(
Anyway, after that they went to sleep and I stayed up watching Shine on You and Wolf's Rain. End of the firs episode, what a KYA-moment. Really, really cool. It really is pretty good. I can see myself watching this and liking it. Amazing! I never thought I would like it.
Okay enough of that, onto today.
We got to the site and I was a part of the group that was sent to the warehouse to work on the rooting floor of the 2nd floor by patching it up. It was like "be sure to avoid the holes because you can fall through and die." I couldn't do hammering, I sucked at lifting and I just suck all around. It was amazing. Have I ever felt that useless?
Lunch was brilliant. So was dinner actually. I mean they were both in churches so that was a damper on things.
Oh! Those who know me – I said "Amen" and "God" in a prayer. Hell, I said prayers. *gasp*
I know!!! That is so unlike me. Usually I'm one of those rude atheists who would abstain from those things but the people were so nice that I thought it wouldn't hurt if I said them. Especially since I don't believe in it and it's basically empty anyways.
So yeah, my opinion of church people and Southern people has gone up so much. They are all so nice to us and they truly welcome us and make an effort to get to know us. And they make the best food. I had the best mashed potatoes ever – with melted cheese too – so to die for.
And Bob is the best person in the world. I wouldn't have minded sleeping on the floors but these air mattresses are so great! I think mine's sinking a bit but who cares?
Anyway, back to the job. It wasn't until after lunch and we started to put up the stairs that things finally got better. I can now drill! Hole digging and shoveling, I'm not so good at but putting the stairs up and drilling, I'm absolutely great at. And even though it was raining in the morning, it was sooooo nice out by the end of the day that we didn't want to end at 4 PM and wanted to finish working on the stairs. We only had six more steps to screw down anyway…
Oh, side talk… I think I was bit by something… *makes a face* Sherry is itchy.
Anyway, after doing that, we decided to go take showers at the YMCA down the street. Steve, the gay guy driving our car left his backpack in the church so we decided to stop by there first to get it.
When Steve tries to enter the church, he accidentally trips off the security alarm. It was sooo funny. It sounded exactly like a siren and was sooo loud. We decided it would be bad if we left so we stayed until the pastor and his wife come over along with the police. It was straightened out quickly, thankfully. We even got pictures of Steve with the cops. :)
We then went down to the Y and had our showers. It really wasn't that bad. I was just soo happy to get clean. It felt really nice. :)
So yeah, today, lots of ups and downs, a lot of no talking but really, not bad. I think I might do this again next year. We'll see how it goes the rest of the week. I might decide I absolutely hate it within that time – you'd never know.
Now, onto studying! Ja ne!
edit x1: Just finished reading Cohen's book, Rethinking the Soviet Experience: Politics and History since 1917. It's amazing that if the professor had written the book that he assigns to his class to read, that he just manages to parrot/regurgitate his ideas in lecture. Really, it's amazing. Everything that he said in the book was a major point in the lecture. I guess that means his thoughts of Russia during the Khrushchev period has basically stayed the same since he wrote the damn book in 1985. Nice.
I am so tired right now… I need a nap… But since it's 10 PM, I should really go to sleep… But Sherry no wants to. Sherry wants to watch Shine on You and more Wolf's Rain. And Sherry has Wild Striker (that's she's kinda scared to watch but that's a different story). Gah…
Oh a note: Sherry likes sweet tea. It's really really sweet but it really grows on you.
And another: Sherry is lactose-intolerant and is stupid for trying to eat cereal with milk. It just didn't work very well, I'm afraid. :\ Tomorrow, I'm just having orange juice.
