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Introspection, never good
Oct. 4th, 2004 12:33 pmI am a leech.
I have been starting to feel horrible lately...just kinda melancholy... It's not that I'm sad but rather I feel devoid of life.
They call us leeches if we get stuff off of people's fserves. I am a leech but also in a different way. I feel like I'm trying to leech off happiness and the feeling of being alive from other sources -- anime, fanfiction since I can't create it myself.
And when I find that I don't have any great fanfics or interesting animes, I feel dead. It doesn't help that I'm reading sad fanfics too... Not only am I leeching stuff to keep me alive, I'm leeching off depressive feelings which in turn make me feel even worse.
I hate this feeling. I really do. I thought I was adjusted but is this a sign that I'm not?
God, I don't know anymore.
I have been starting to feel horrible lately...just kinda melancholy... It's not that I'm sad but rather I feel devoid of life.
They call us leeches if we get stuff off of people's fserves. I am a leech but also in a different way. I feel like I'm trying to leech off happiness and the feeling of being alive from other sources -- anime, fanfiction since I can't create it myself.
And when I find that I don't have any great fanfics or interesting animes, I feel dead. It doesn't help that I'm reading sad fanfics too... Not only am I leeching stuff to keep me alive, I'm leeching off depressive feelings which in turn make me feel even worse.
I hate this feeling. I really do. I thought I was adjusted but is this a sign that I'm not?
God, I don't know anymore.
