Introspection, never good

[sherryillk]

I am a leech.

I have been starting to feel horrible lately...just kinda melancholy... It's not that I'm sad but rather I feel devoid of life.

They call us leeches if we get stuff off of people's fserves. I am a leech but also in a different way. I feel like I'm trying to leech off happiness and the feeling of being alive from other sources -- anime, fanfiction since I can't create it myself.

And when I find that I don't have any great fanfics or interesting animes, I feel dead. It doesn't help that I'm reading sad fanfics too... Not only am I leeching stuff to keep me alive, I'm leeching off depressive feelings which in turn make me feel even worse.

I hate this feeling. I really do. I thought I was adjusted but is this a sign that I'm not?

God, I don't know anymore.

Comments

[d-moonchild.livejournal.com]

Well, why do you think we read happy stories? Why do I read stories with happy endings only? Think about it for a moment.

Literature, music, any form of art - it's all created so that we could leech off them and get into a certain mood. No author will be satisfied unless he/she knows that his composition made you laugh or cry or frown, whatever was its purpose.

As for feeling dead without the aforementioned stuff, that's because (I'm guessing here) it's your main source of entertainment. If you were into car-racing - you have three guesses on what I was watching just now *g* - you'd fall into depression over a flat tire. And you really wouldn't want to see me when one of the programs on my precious PC stops working. It's a nasty sight. We all have our little entertainments and our mood first and foremost depends on them.

Now be a good girl and go read some Gravi-fluff. You know where to find it. Yes, that's right, my CD. It'll put you in a right mood very fast :)

NB: does this icon suit your current mood?

[sherryillk.livejournal.com]

I was reading Gravi fics... If those are supposed to be fluff, I must be finding the few that aren't... They're sad! They might have happy endings at the end but most are quite sad getting to the happy parts...

[d-moonchild.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I dunno... They all feel fluffy to me. Angsty bits just make the ending sweeter. Did I send you anything of Eidolon Tree's writing? Here's her website:
http://www.contrary-perfection.net/main/gravi/index.html
If these Yuki/Shuichi fics aren't fluffy enough for you, I don't know what is.

[cruel-disorder.livejournal.com]

Um one way I relieve sadness is to join rpgs =D go join one! noow~ u get such cracky goodness~~ i can recommend some pot ones to you~ ^^