disturbed

Jan. 3rd, 2002 03:29 am
sherryillk: (Default)
[personal profile] sherryillk
I feel awkward...at odds with myself. Life sucks, I've been saying so for longer than I can remember. When did I become so jaded, so bloody cynical? Too much Methos maybe?

No, it happened long before Meth became such an important person in my life. Maybe it was the move -- I really hated going here. Even Portland would be better. Sixth grade is nothing to me, a memory better off forgetting. As is seventh grade. Seventh grade... the year I comptemplated suicide. Wouldn't really do it though, too chicken. Though the effect it had was big.

That summer was better, made me feel loved -- well at least wanted -- and I was okay. Then the computer, Methos, my idol. He is who I look up to. He is whom I wish to be. He is perfect in my eyes.

I see him in Draco, fell in love with him too. Meth and Drac, my two loves. Two people whom I've actually written slash fiction for. Got to mean something.

My mother is an ass. Or arse if you rather. She doesn't understand and she never will. God, I just wish she would leave me alone. It would make me so much happier and so much more at peace with myself.

I hate her. I despise her. I want to get away. Even if I become that stupid doctor she wants me to be, I'm getting away and never looking back. Never.

Sound extreme, huh? Sound like one of those teenage things where a girl hates her mother and it'll pass? Forget it. You don't know how I feel. I want to decapitate her -- another Highlander thing.

I just had a weird thought. My mother turns up dead, her head separated from her body and the police looking to me as the prime suspect and uses this as evidence. I'm whacked, aren't I?

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