Feeling contrite
Dec. 21st, 2008 03:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sherryillkI fail. I think that's the most accurate way of describing things. I just totally fail. After getting hit with that email last night, I was struck off-balanced and that's never a good position for me to be in. I felt cornered and saddened about being so horrible to merit something like that which fed into my guilt about the whole thing and it made for a huge mess of things.
To be absolutely truthful and with full disclosure, I did leave reviews that weren't very good at all, really just bad, and I probably should have said more things about the actual stories than just the parts I had issues with. I was wrong about that and I'll admit it. I've been a bad reviewer in the past and it seems as though I continue on being a bad reviewer but only in a different way. I lost sight of the fact that the motivation for fics are somewhat different than other written work and that as a reader, I should be grateful at the very least before anything else and I'm very sorry to the authors I've ever offended, pissed off and left perplexed with my reviews because I didn't think to let them know how much I truly did enjoy their story. I never leave a review for a story I didn't read in its entirety and didn't like it in some way and I think that is part of the problem. I thought of a review, any review as being a compliment in itself. A person took the time to read a story and to say something about it and that says something about the story in my mind. I thought that by nature, reviews were inherently positive and I was being helpful by giving any sort of one. But in the end I left too short reviews that only talked about what was wrong with a story and nothing else and that only seemed I was being too curt. The implied compliment was too implied and virtually disappeared when I went against my own rules of adding a bit of the bitter amongst lots of sweet. Way too much bitter, not enough sweet and implied sweetness doesn't come off very well where all readers are different in their reviewing styles. No wonder -- if someone brings to light a complaint, the complaint goes to the forefront and anything that was remotely positive takes a backseat. Take what I did when all I did was make a complaint and even the most understanding authors would be hard pressed to find any good in it, especially when the reviewer didn't say anything explicitly in the first place. Like I said, I totally failed, completely and utterly failed. It's almost spectacular in how bad I was and I think the only thing worst I could have done was write a flame and didn't realize it was a flame at all. Which I realize is probably what I did. They weren't personal attacks but it probably could have been construed to being ones.
When I got that email, I went and reviewed all my reviews on the site and I went and deleted the ones that I thought were badly written in light of the email. I didn't like it because to me it felt like I was being muzzled a bit but ultimately, I understand why they were wrong, especially in a gift fic setting. Even if it wasn't a gift fic to begin with, they were still badly written reviews. I should have sat down and said a bit more about the stories themselves instead of just saying the one issue I had with it.
After the purge, I missed one that was later pointed out so obviously I'm still not in the correct mindset for leaving reviews. There was an issue with formating, something I thought was a copy and paste error and so I went and pointed it out thinking someone made a small mistake and that it would be corrected for future readers. I didn't see anything wrong with it because I thought someone ought to know about it. What I should have done is pointed it more towards the mods since it really isn't the authors themselves who were posting, at least that I'm aware of. It wasn't a fair review on the story and shouldn't have been left as one. I said yesterday that I felt like my world shifted on its axis and I still think so, but I think it's a good thing and am not as leery or as dismayed as I was last night. I need to change and I need to become a better reader. It's the least I could do to show authors I'm an appreciative reader, one who above all enjoys their work and is grateful to be allowed to read them, even the ones that may have something that I might not necessarily like. I want a better story and I think writers want their stories to be awesome themselves. Tossing around comments as I have been doing isn't going do that.
I'm especially struck by something![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mahaliem said in a comment in the last post about opinion based reviews. I hadn't even realized those were an issue before and this was one of my blind spots so I'm glad I'm aware of it now. A character is malleable and there are times a character doesn't do or act the way you may envision them to act but writers who sell it to the point where you're convinced is a rare thing. Sometimes you enjoy that story because you now believe in it as well, sometimes you don't but still think it works if only in that story, and sometimes you still totally reject it because you can't wrap your mind around it. I'm working on what I think should be the correct response in each of those cases -- first one, review away with your glowing remarks about how you've seen the light. Last one, don't leave a review, especially if you acknowledge the fact that it was well-written because you'll be too emotionally invested to leave a decent review. The second one, exhibit caution. These are the ones that I have the most trouble with because in my opinion, they lack a few things to be truly awesome in my mind and I can't help but point them out. That's my problem -- I think they're lacking in a few ways that the author probably thinks they're not and can't help but think I'm being helpful to point them out. Whether I am or not is not the question but to do so implies that I think they didn't think about it themselves and reconciled it in their writing to ultimately end up where they did. That is disrespectful to them as writers and I'm sorry for all the times I made that mistake. And to clarify, I say "you" a lot but I by no means mean any of you and this isn't what I think others should be doing in these cases. I barely know what I should be doing much less what others should and rather this is me talking to myself.
I'm still not sure how to strike up the best balance in those cases. On one hand, I think a story is just shy of perfection. On the other hand, the author might not think so and is perfectly content with the way it is. On one hand, I feel like if she and her beta(s) have overlooked the fact, the story could be perfect. On the other hand, who am I to tell her so? I'm not a writer myself, I don't do beta work, I don't know the writer so they could be completely disinclined to even read it. And to imply that she overlooked something is, as I've said, disrespectful. What a quandary... Yes, no, do I do it, do I not, am I being too critical, am I being not critical enough, is being critical in any level even right? Are my comments even worth this sort of thinking because it's probably not that insightful to begin with? I spend the bulk of my day not sleeping, probably reading stories. They pass through me so quickly that it's a wonder I'm even able to say anything about them specifically (oh dear, I'm starting to get feelings of being a bad reader and not just a bad reviewer) so I might not even have consumed it the way I should have making me even less qualified to judge.
I don't want to go as far as "don't say anything at all" in all these cases and I doubt authors would want that either. It'll be the most careful and the easiest thing to do. I suspect this is partly for some people's lurkerdom and after a talk with Masha about this very same thing a week ago. Back then I told her that I say things when I really have to say something and it just wouldn't sit well if I didn't. Basically, I used my own judgment but in the past, that hasn't served me as well as I thought it did. I was maybe being too brash -- stopping and thinking about my actions is something I do need to work on. Stopping and thinking about every single action I take bothers me more because I'm not sure I'm up for it but if I'm not maybe it really would be better to not say anything.
I'm not sure rolling this around in my head as well as putting it into words is working for me. I'm not sure I've reach anywhere with my own personal thoughts and future actions aside from being more proactive and aware, constant vigilance and all that. I'm sorry to the mods who I was being unfair to and I'm sorry I was so neglectful that merited a talking to. And I'm sorry to the authors who I didn't hold up my side of the bargain as a reader. I'll have to go and write them later after the reveal happens and apologize fully to them. I don't hold any illusions that I'm so important that in the grand scheme of things, this even matters what I think, say or do but I'll try to be better. I hate the thought of coming across wrongly and I know better than anyone that it's ignorant comments that might not be intended as being hurtful, hurt the most and I'm going to try being better at minimizing them with the goal of ending them. And I thank McKay and everyone who commented on my last post for giving me a bit of perspective. I doubt I would have arrived to this conclusion without them, especially McKay who I hold to the utmost respect and adore beyond belief. It was humbling to get an email from her clarifying things, especially since I consider her my Goddess of Snupin and when someone like her (whose stories I've enjoyed since my first foray into HP) has to say something to me, it becomes an eye opener. I want to do good by her and I'm making a commitment to carry this over in all respects of my reviewing. I hope when I look back on this post, I remember it fondly as the definitive point where I get better in my online actions.
After the huge mess I made of things, things that were said in my upset state that I'm not proud of and being quite unreasonable to everyone involved, I was ashamed and saddened that I had not learned any lessons of my past. I should do as I say and I haven't been doing that and I can only blame myself and my laziness in not taking the time to write better reviews. I mistook the first mod's advice to not say anything at when you don't have anything nice to say as saying not to say anything at all unless it's a "rave" (*winces* I think I'll be smarting over that for a long time coming as an example of how badly I failed this time.) which was taking it to the extreme, something she didn't mean. I didn't mean it to be one long complaint and after I re-examined it all, I realized their concerns were valid, albeit a bit overreaching and my reactions were overreactions. In the end, think I need to make smarter reviews/comments overall, mostly to the authors I know are receptive to them, less to the authors I don't know about, and strike them off the list for those I know don't want them.
I have a bit more to say on the issue of clarity on the whole issue of feedback but I've spent too much time on this little post (I should probably cut this, huh? Yeah, it's huge, I should cut...) and if I delay going out to shovel a way out to the car, we're going to probably slip to our deaths going down the stairs. So much snow... We lost our blizzard warning this morning (very short blizzard conditions last night but aren't blizzards supposed to be more than an hour long?) but we're due for another half a foot of snow on top of the two feet plus we already have today. And we're going to have to find some way to break that 5' long icicle hanging from the edge of the roof.... It's so gonna kill someone if it falls. :\ Here's to hoping I won't die while I'm shoveling the stairs... So treacherous...
To be absolutely truthful and with full disclosure, I did leave reviews that weren't very good at all, really just bad, and I probably should have said more things about the actual stories than just the parts I had issues with. I was wrong about that and I'll admit it. I've been a bad reviewer in the past and it seems as though I continue on being a bad reviewer but only in a different way. I lost sight of the fact that the motivation for fics are somewhat different than other written work and that as a reader, I should be grateful at the very least before anything else and I'm very sorry to the authors I've ever offended, pissed off and left perplexed with my reviews because I didn't think to let them know how much I truly did enjoy their story. I never leave a review for a story I didn't read in its entirety and didn't like it in some way and I think that is part of the problem. I thought of a review, any review as being a compliment in itself. A person took the time to read a story and to say something about it and that says something about the story in my mind. I thought that by nature, reviews were inherently positive and I was being helpful by giving any sort of one. But in the end I left too short reviews that only talked about what was wrong with a story and nothing else and that only seemed I was being too curt. The implied compliment was too implied and virtually disappeared when I went against my own rules of adding a bit of the bitter amongst lots of sweet. Way too much bitter, not enough sweet and implied sweetness doesn't come off very well where all readers are different in their reviewing styles. No wonder -- if someone brings to light a complaint, the complaint goes to the forefront and anything that was remotely positive takes a backseat. Take what I did when all I did was make a complaint and even the most understanding authors would be hard pressed to find any good in it, especially when the reviewer didn't say anything explicitly in the first place. Like I said, I totally failed, completely and utterly failed. It's almost spectacular in how bad I was and I think the only thing worst I could have done was write a flame and didn't realize it was a flame at all. Which I realize is probably what I did. They weren't personal attacks but it probably could have been construed to being ones.
When I got that email, I went and reviewed all my reviews on the site and I went and deleted the ones that I thought were badly written in light of the email. I didn't like it because to me it felt like I was being muzzled a bit but ultimately, I understand why they were wrong, especially in a gift fic setting. Even if it wasn't a gift fic to begin with, they were still badly written reviews. I should have sat down and said a bit more about the stories themselves instead of just saying the one issue I had with it.
After the purge, I missed one that was later pointed out so obviously I'm still not in the correct mindset for leaving reviews. There was an issue with formating, something I thought was a copy and paste error and so I went and pointed it out thinking someone made a small mistake and that it would be corrected for future readers. I didn't see anything wrong with it because I thought someone ought to know about it. What I should have done is pointed it more towards the mods since it really isn't the authors themselves who were posting, at least that I'm aware of. It wasn't a fair review on the story and shouldn't have been left as one. I said yesterday that I felt like my world shifted on its axis and I still think so, but I think it's a good thing and am not as leery or as dismayed as I was last night. I need to change and I need to become a better reader. It's the least I could do to show authors I'm an appreciative reader, one who above all enjoys their work and is grateful to be allowed to read them, even the ones that may have something that I might not necessarily like. I want a better story and I think writers want their stories to be awesome themselves. Tossing around comments as I have been doing isn't going do that.
I'm especially struck by something
mahaliem said in a comment in the last post about opinion based reviews. I hadn't even realized those were an issue before and this was one of my blind spots so I'm glad I'm aware of it now. A character is malleable and there are times a character doesn't do or act the way you may envision them to act but writers who sell it to the point where you're convinced is a rare thing. Sometimes you enjoy that story because you now believe in it as well, sometimes you don't but still think it works if only in that story, and sometimes you still totally reject it because you can't wrap your mind around it. I'm working on what I think should be the correct response in each of those cases -- first one, review away with your glowing remarks about how you've seen the light. Last one, don't leave a review, especially if you acknowledge the fact that it was well-written because you'll be too emotionally invested to leave a decent review. The second one, exhibit caution. These are the ones that I have the most trouble with because in my opinion, they lack a few things to be truly awesome in my mind and I can't help but point them out. That's my problem -- I think they're lacking in a few ways that the author probably thinks they're not and can't help but think I'm being helpful to point them out. Whether I am or not is not the question but to do so implies that I think they didn't think about it themselves and reconciled it in their writing to ultimately end up where they did. That is disrespectful to them as writers and I'm sorry for all the times I made that mistake. And to clarify, I say "you" a lot but I by no means mean any of you and this isn't what I think others should be doing in these cases. I barely know what I should be doing much less what others should and rather this is me talking to myself.I'm still not sure how to strike up the best balance in those cases. On one hand, I think a story is just shy of perfection. On the other hand, the author might not think so and is perfectly content with the way it is. On one hand, I feel like if she and her beta(s) have overlooked the fact, the story could be perfect. On the other hand, who am I to tell her so? I'm not a writer myself, I don't do beta work, I don't know the writer so they could be completely disinclined to even read it. And to imply that she overlooked something is, as I've said, disrespectful. What a quandary... Yes, no, do I do it, do I not, am I being too critical, am I being not critical enough, is being critical in any level even right? Are my comments even worth this sort of thinking because it's probably not that insightful to begin with? I spend the bulk of my day not sleeping, probably reading stories. They pass through me so quickly that it's a wonder I'm even able to say anything about them specifically (oh dear, I'm starting to get feelings of being a bad reader and not just a bad reviewer) so I might not even have consumed it the way I should have making me even less qualified to judge.
I don't want to go as far as "don't say anything at all" in all these cases and I doubt authors would want that either. It'll be the most careful and the easiest thing to do. I suspect this is partly for some people's lurkerdom and after a talk with Masha about this very same thing a week ago. Back then I told her that I say things when I really have to say something and it just wouldn't sit well if I didn't. Basically, I used my own judgment but in the past, that hasn't served me as well as I thought it did. I was maybe being too brash -- stopping and thinking about my actions is something I do need to work on. Stopping and thinking about every single action I take bothers me more because I'm not sure I'm up for it but if I'm not maybe it really would be better to not say anything.
I'm not sure rolling this around in my head as well as putting it into words is working for me. I'm not sure I've reach anywhere with my own personal thoughts and future actions aside from being more proactive and aware, constant vigilance and all that. I'm sorry to the mods who I was being unfair to and I'm sorry I was so neglectful that merited a talking to. And I'm sorry to the authors who I didn't hold up my side of the bargain as a reader. I'll have to go and write them later after the reveal happens and apologize fully to them. I don't hold any illusions that I'm so important that in the grand scheme of things, this even matters what I think, say or do but I'll try to be better. I hate the thought of coming across wrongly and I know better than anyone that it's ignorant comments that might not be intended as being hurtful, hurt the most and I'm going to try being better at minimizing them with the goal of ending them. And I thank McKay and everyone who commented on my last post for giving me a bit of perspective. I doubt I would have arrived to this conclusion without them, especially McKay who I hold to the utmost respect and adore beyond belief. It was humbling to get an email from her clarifying things, especially since I consider her my Goddess of Snupin and when someone like her (whose stories I've enjoyed since my first foray into HP) has to say something to me, it becomes an eye opener. I want to do good by her and I'm making a commitment to carry this over in all respects of my reviewing. I hope when I look back on this post, I remember it fondly as the definitive point where I get better in my online actions.
After the huge mess I made of things, things that were said in my upset state that I'm not proud of and being quite unreasonable to everyone involved, I was ashamed and saddened that I had not learned any lessons of my past. I should do as I say and I haven't been doing that and I can only blame myself and my laziness in not taking the time to write better reviews. I mistook the first mod's advice to not say anything at when you don't have anything nice to say as saying not to say anything at all unless it's a "rave" (*winces* I think I'll be smarting over that for a long time coming as an example of how badly I failed this time.) which was taking it to the extreme, something she didn't mean. I didn't mean it to be one long complaint and after I re-examined it all, I realized their concerns were valid, albeit a bit overreaching and my reactions were overreactions. In the end, think I need to make smarter reviews/comments overall, mostly to the authors I know are receptive to them, less to the authors I don't know about, and strike them off the list for those I know don't want them.
I have a bit more to say on the issue of clarity on the whole issue of feedback but I've spent too much time on this little post (I should probably cut this, huh? Yeah, it's huge, I should cut...) and if I delay going out to shovel a way out to the car, we're going to probably slip to our deaths going down the stairs. So much snow... We lost our blizzard warning this morning (very short blizzard conditions last night but aren't blizzards supposed to be more than an hour long?) but we're due for another half a foot of snow on top of the two feet plus we already have today. And we're going to have to find some way to break that 5' long icicle hanging from the edge of the roof.... It's so gonna kill someone if it falls. :\ Here's to hoping I won't die while I'm shoveling the stairs... So treacherous...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2008-12-22 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
on 2008-12-23 02:50 pm (UTC)For me, as a reviewer, I try to really show that I'm excited, and pick out the parts I like. I'm pretty researved when it comes to things I don't, I have to really not like something to mention it ^^; though lately I think it's been something like - 'slipping in that OC and the whole scene of her sleeping with Fuji bleh' - type things ^^;;; ... but I have pointed out typos and the like. It's not a great policy... really, I think the best thing is to be specific.
Like... for me as a writer, and I think all writers like this, when you very specifically point out the parts you do like, the parts that are done well (like the writing, the flow, the tone), and also to point out the parts you think can use improvement... mix in the good and the bad. :3 And I always appreciate when typos and formatting issues are pointed out, because they're easy to miss, and it makes me feel worse later when I'm re-reading a story and find typos no one pointed out .__. ...
no subject
on 2008-12-23 09:26 pm (UTC)Although, personally, if I had typos, grammatical or structural mistakes, I'll love people to point them all out so I can go back and fix things. God only knows my journal entries are editted so many times after the fact because I keep seeing little mistakes (and yet some of them still remain T_T). Seeing things wrong or imperfect in things I write myself just bug me so much and I guess that carried over to my reviews. I can be super-critical of myself but I have to try not to do the same to others because some authors don't care for it.
As a rule, mixing good with the bad is a good idea to avoid conflict but I'm not sure if it being an absolute requirement or not posting any reviews are okay... I like what
no subject
on 2008-12-23 10:59 pm (UTC)There are definitely some authors that specify things like, 'go easy!' 'no flames!' 'please review!' Me.. I sometimes add review begs at the end :3 but sometimes for the sake of style I might leave it out. Cutting author notes for the sake of story style I actually find rather classy (as someone who struggles to do so except in the best of cases ^^;;).
Overall... there really aren't any absolute rules about reviewing. They don't exist. :P It's just like dealing with people in real life... no one likes to be criticized, but most reasonable people appreciate help and correction of typos and mistakes. I've seen English as a 2nd language authors thank their reviewers for pointing out grammar errors, especially since they often say in an author's note that English is not their first language, or when someone says that her fic is 'un-betad', I take that as a tiny cry for help in case there's an error. But yeah... same as dealing with anything... everyone loves flattery and praise, and you have to be careful when doling out critical opinion.
*hugs* (But overall, I think it's best to always review - you can just say something as simple as, 'nice fic!' - it's just to let the author know you've read her story, since the only way the writer knows anyone's reading is through reviews.)
no subject
on 2008-12-24 01:45 am (UTC)Heh, I've seen "un-beta'ed" as a word of warning for me to expect the worst which is generally why I won't read it unless the summary is very intriguing or it's an author that I've read stuff from before and liked.
I don't know if it's always best to review though... I don't know about you, but most of the time, the stuff I read are what I would call decent. They aren't awesome but they aren't horrible and while I may not have loved them, I can't say it was a total waste of my time to have read them either, especially since I read fics to generally fill up my free time anyway. What do you say in those instances? Anything close to the truth would be an insult in my opinion so I generally don't review those stories because if there was something I truly enjoyed about them, I would have reviewed in a heartbeat, no questions about it. The only other times I reviewed (not any more, not after what happened) is when there's that one thing that I felt kept the story from its true potential of being awesome. But I guess I irked someone along the line with those...
no subject
on 2008-12-24 03:53 pm (UTC)I'm a sucker for certain type of fanfiction though. ^__^; Mainly... really angsty Fuji-centric... I've put up with some pretty bad gammar to read it >.>;;.... but usually I'm fairly picky. I tend to go by number of reviews for a fic (depending on the number of chapters), since -usually- good fics will have a lot of reviews, then once I find an author I like, I'll read everything she does. The really good authors are usually always good, no matter what they write. There's definitely a lot of junk out there... but if it's that bad, I usually stop reading before I get to the end. :P I will put up with a lot, though, if it's bringing out the fangirl in me ^__^; then I just go crazy over the scenes I like, so those are what I mention in my review. ... cause I'm a sucker who wants more ^^;;;; ....