Introspection, never good

[sherryillk]

I am a leech.

I have been starting to feel horrible lately...just kinda melancholy... It's not that I'm sad but rather I feel devoid of life.

They call us leeches if we get stuff off of people's fserves. I am a leech but also in a different way. I feel like I'm trying to leech off happiness and the feeling of being alive from other sources -- anime, fanfiction since I can't create it myself.

And when I find that I don't have any great fanfics or interesting animes, I feel dead. It doesn't help that I'm reading sad fanfics too... Not only am I leeching stuff to keep me alive, I'm leeching off depressive feelings which in turn make me feel even worse.

I hate this feeling. I really do. I thought I was adjusted but is this a sign that I'm not?

God, I don't know anymore.

Comments

[sherryillk.livejournal.com]

I was reading Gravi fics... If those are supposed to be fluff, I must be finding the few that aren't... They're sad! They might have happy endings at the end but most are quite sad getting to the happy parts...

[d-moonchild.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I dunno... They all feel fluffy to me. Angsty bits just make the ending sweeter. Did I send you anything of Eidolon Tree's writing? Here's her website:
http://www.contrary-perfection.net/main/gravi/index.html
If these Yuki/Shuichi fics aren't fluffy enough for you, I don't know what is.