...

gah...

Diana's being mean to me...

And I'm depressed that she has no faith in me...

I just don't understand. "Attitude" she says? I just said I couldn't help her. Really, this is the sort of thing she needs to do on her own. If she doesn't do it herself, she'll never be able to do it. I just didn't think she would screw it up so badly!

gah...

I mean seriously, I was a bumbling idiot too. I don't even remember what I did last year. But I did it. With our parents. She should have been able to do it too. And if she didn't know, she should have figured something out to put down. I mean geez, if you're gonna do something, at least let the responsibility be on you and not pushed onto others. I admit, I have no clue. How the hell is a person who doesn't have a clue herself help someone else? I just don't get it...

And blaming me...Geez, it's her fault! Millions of people do this every year, she should have been able to do it. Dealing with our parents' "attitude" (I swear, she's in love with this word nowadays) is just part of it.

Next year she'll be doing it all herself. What is gonna do then?

And of course, she's no help to me either. "I screwed myself so I want to screw you too", ka?

...

Sherry is sad. I would have so scanned those papers for her! Sherry is a happy-go-lucky type of person who takes that sort of responsibility very seriously. And she tells me "ha^1000"... That was cruel...

There are just some things that are important in this world. You don't mess with those things cause all it'll do is cause really big problems. I would call this one of those things...

God, I just can't get over it. She said "ha^1000"! That hurts! A lot! My sister has no faith in me.

Ah, I guess I deserved it. I should have at least tried even though I didn't know anything... It's just hard, you know? You really have to be there with the other person with all those papers with you in order for you to do it. I can't help if I can't see them...

Maybe I should ask Kent? I thought Diana was marginally more reliable than Kent but now... Kent at least makes somewhat of an effort and he's still young enough to do it...

Oh, did I mention Diana said "I don't care"? And she told me to "Shut up"?

God, I just want to crawl into a hole and...

God... This is such a big deal!!! Why the hell has it got me so damn upset?! I'm too emotional right now for something like this!!! Crying for something like this is just too stupid...

I bet it's the whole PMS thing. I ALWAYS become sad and depressed right before a period. I hate being a girl.

So does that mean what I'm feeling right now is all because of the PMS? I'm trying to think rationally here but I just feel really hurt and sad right now. And the more I think about it, the more upset I get and the more tears are coming out of my eyes...

Diana! You bitch! Did you have to send me spiralling down like this! I bet my roommate thinks I'm crazy sitting at a computer, typing furiously with tears running down her face...

Ah, whatever. This usually only lasts a day, two at most for me. Hopefully I'll be okay once I've slept on it.

Seriously, it's not that big of a deal if I tell myself that I know it's that big of a deal. I know this. But damn it, I just don't feel like it right now. This stupid PMS thing is just projecting and enhancing my already frayed feelings...

I really, really, really, REALLY hate being a girl...

Music

I love music. Really, I love music. There are days where all I want to do is drown myself in ecstasy in the notes of a brilliantly composed song. Ah, so satisfying, so calming, so beautiful and so wonderful. It's no wonder I have so many songs downloaded... I am always in search of the perfect song that can carry me away from all of this.

When I close my eyes and the only thing I hear is the music, I feel so detached from the rest of the world and it surrounds my entire being. I shiver from the experience because it feels so ethereal, so ephemeral, so delicate. It's so wonderful.

Music has the power to make you sad, to make you excited and rushed, to make you happy. Sometimes, you just want to feel the feelings of others instead of your own and I love being carried by a song. There is nothing but the melody that slowly encircles you, grabbing your hand and leading you towards oblivion. I want oblivion right now. I almost feel drunk, uninhibited and so free.

Ah...so goood...I feel like I can drift away in this state...